


Not His Fault (John Says It Is)

by Ztwin



Series: Cat Nap [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Animal Transformation, Cat, Cat John Sheppard, Cat Rodney McKay, Cats, Crack Fic, I did art of them as cats so I had to write a story, John keeps saying it's Rodney's fault, Kinda a crack, They get turned into cats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:41:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14168115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ztwin/pseuds/Ztwin
Summary: John should stop telling Rodney it's his fault. How was he supposted to know the devise would turn the two of them into cats.





	Not His Fault (John Says It Is)

John shot daggers at Rodney from his perch on the lab table. He wasn’t really angry- more annoyed, with the fact Rodney had just willy-nilly handed him the little grey orb and told him to try and turn it on after he himself had failed to do so. You would think that the man that claims to be the smartest person in both the Milky Way and the Pegasus galaxy would think to check if the orb was harmful before passing it off or even trying to turn it on himself, but no, Rodney was running on nothing more than caffeine and three hours of sleep and clearly should not have left Atlantis that morning. 

“Would you quit glaring at me,” snap Rodney pausing in his pacing to glare up at John. “It’s not my fault that the Ancients love leaving their science experiments lying about with no warnings. How was I supposed to know it was going to turn us in to cats?”

“You’re supposed to check things before you turn them on Mckay,” John shot back dropping down onto the floor next to Rodney. “You didn’t check and therefore it is your fault.”

Ok, it was also kinda his fault for turning it on without asking if Rodney had checked the orb but John had not expected for the room to be invelepted in bright, light blue light as soon as Mckay dropped it into his palm. He definitely did not expect to find himself under a mountain of his own gear and clothes as soon as the light vanished and his ears stopped ringing. 

He had clawed his way out of his undershirt shouting for Rodney only to come face to face with a sandy blond and white tabby cat. There had been a stand off for a second then the tabby had whispered a panicked “John?” followed by a near shouting match between the two men-turned-cats.

When they had gone to ignoring each other John had kept up onto the table and checked himself out in the reflective metal. He was met with the reflection of a sleek-if not slightly messy furred, black cat. His ears were nearly comically big and pointed but at least he could take comfort in not being a big fluff ball like Rodney. 

“I just realized Ronon is totally going to laugh at us,” Rodney said, ears laying flat against his skull. “He is going to cross his arms and laugh at us.”

“Really,” John gave Rodney a look. “We turned into cat’s and you are worried about the fact Ronon is going to laugh at you? I’m pretty sure Elizabeth is going to laugh at us- hell, most of Atlantis going to laugh at us. The head of Military and Science go out on an easy ‘explore an uninhabited planet’ recon and come back as cats.”

Turning his back on Rodney, John padded over to the pile of his gear and pawed though it till he located his ear piece. It took him a minute to maneuver it around in his paws- he never really thought about how great thumbs were till that moment, and managed to hook it haphazardly around an ear.

Pressing a toe pad to the side he gave a silent prayer that Rodney and him were actually still speaking english and not cat. “This is Sheppard. Ronon, Teyla come in.”

There was a moment of silence that sat hevely in John’s gut before static filled the earpiece followed by Teyla’s voice. “This is Teyla, is everything alright Colonel?”

“Not really,” John gave a dry laugh, “Rodney and I had a bit of an accident with a ancient devise and need a little bit of assistance,” He added after a moment,” We aren't hurt, more inconvenienced.”

“Ronon and I will be there shortly.” The line went silent.

“I bet you Teyla will laugh at us too,” Rodney spoke up from where he was trying to tug his tablet free from the velcro of his tack vest.

John rolled his eyes and jumped back up onto the table, earpiece still in place just in case he was radioed. After a minute of Rodney grunting and hissing curses under his breath as he tried and failed to free his tablet he joined John on the table. His leap was anything but graceful and his ribs hit the corner of the table making John winces as Rodney weased next to him.

“You make that look so easy,” he grunted dropping into a crouch next to John and tucking his paws under his white chest.

“It’s because my legs are longer,” John drawled smugly.

“They are not,” Rodney sounded ligitaimently horrified and offended that John thought his legs were longer.

This turned their waiting into the cat equivalent of a pissing contest. They compared limbs and fur and paws, the goal to be the better cat. John’s legs were longer than Rodney’s; longer and thinner, (Rodney’s leg’s where thicker and looked stronger then Johns ‘dainty ones’ as the scientist put it). John had bigger ears and a longer, thinner body, Rodney’s body type was hard to tell under his thick fur but a bit of prodding on John’s part had determined he was thicker in frame then John and his ears were smaller and more rounded than John’s as well (“They are proportional, unlike yours”). They were in the process of comparing tails- Rodney’s was significantly poofier and they were trying to determine who actually had the longest tail not counting fur, when the door to the abandoned lab slid open revealing Teyla and Ronon.

There was a pause as the two took in the piles of clothes and gear, the dropped devise, and the two cats standing side-by-side on the table. Ronon stepped fully into the room, gave the two a once over, crossed his arms, and snorted.

“I told you he would do that!” Rodney shouted, dropping onto his haunches.

“Rodney,” John hissed at him.

Teyla at least kept her reaction neutral, the only change in her face a raised eyebrow. “Colonel Sheppard? Doctor Mckay?” She asked approaching them.

“In the flesh,” John said having a lopsided smirk (which looks rather odd on a cat).

“What even are you guys?” Ronon aksed up, poking the silver orb with the toe of his boot.

“Don’t touch that,” Rodney snapped jumping to his feet and shuffling to the edge or the table. “You might activate it again.” Ronon gave a shrug and stepped back from it. “If you must know we are cats,” Rodney added, tail lashing behind him.

“Are cats a native animal to your home world?” Teyla asked leaning down to pick up Johns gear off the ground and begin folding it up, they clearly didn’t need it at the moment.

“Yeah,” John lept down to the ground shortly followed by Rodney. “We should head back to Atlantis. Ronon, buddy, wrap the device in Rodney’s shirt and lets get going.”

~*~

The trek back to the stargate took longer than it did for them to reach the abandoned science lab. The grass was long and Teyla didn’t like the fact she could not see them in it and voice her fear on them being taken without Ronon and her knowing. It also didn’t help that Rodney kept insisting on taking breaks (“My legs are shorter now! It’s more than three times the distance we have to cover!”). 

Ronon ended up with all the gear and the devise stashed in his pack, and Teyla carrying Rodney and John in her arms. Wile John was content to simply perch mostly on Teyla’s shoulder, her cradling his rear, Rodney couldn’t seem to stop voicing his complaints.

“Rodney is you do not stop complaining you will have to walk the rest of the way,” Teyla said smoothly the threat dripping of her tongue.

“Or Ronon could carrie him,” John grinned at Rodney who was being cradled on his back in Teyla’s other arm.

“If I carry him I’ll carry him by his scruff,” Ronon grunted behind them.

“Yeah, so behave,” John snorted.

Rodney quieted after that leaving them in silence for the rest of the trek.

By the time they got back to the stargate the sun was beginning to disappear behind the distant mountains. Ronon punched in Atlantis’s address into the DHD and John moved all the way onto Teyla’s shoulder so that she could get their ascess dives out of her vest and send their code though. Ronon joined them at Teyla’s side as they waited for confirmation to step through the gate.

“Are you prepared?” Teyla asked them when they received a go-ahead.

“No,” Rodney sniffed shifting into a less demanding position in her arms, “but might as well get the humiliation over with.”

Teyla bowed her head to the tabby cat and stepped through the even horission with Ronon on her heels

~*~

So the initial reaction wasn’t that bad. Well John thought it wasnt, Rodney could beg to differ. Dr. Weir had been completely baffled by Teyla stepping into Atlantis with two cats in her ams. But after a brief explanation on Teyla’s part Becket was called and the two placed on a gurney. 

That was really things got out of hand. They had been quiet until that point, playing the part of two normal cats, but the moment Carson had tried to place a stethoscope on Rodney’s chest muttering about not being a vet Rodney had smacked the equipment away and repeatedly banged a forepaw on the gurney in anger shouting, “Keep your voodoo to yourself!”

“Rodney!” John growled tail lashing.

Before anything else could come out of Rodney’s mouth Redek absolutely lost his shit. The man had was taking the device from Ronon and nearly dropped it after Rodney’s outburst. Redek had been reduced to wheezing laughter as he quickly left the gate room with several other scientist on his heel. Quite a few people also burst into laughter as Rodney started shouting after the retreating scientists.

Dr. Weir managed to get the situation under control after a few minutes, ushering AS-1 out of the gtae room and in the direction of the infirmary for Carson to get the two men a examination.

“So please explain to me how this happened,” Weir asked with barely concealed amusement.

“It was Rodney’s fault,” John said quickly pointing at the scientist with a paw.

“It was not!” Rodney yelped batting at John’s outstretched paw.

“Gentlemen,” Weir snorted trying and failing to be the mature adult in the situation.

“Ok so it isn’t entirely Rodney’s fault,” John sniffed.

“Thank you,” Rodney lashed his tail.

~*~

It was several hours later after being prodded and poked my Carson and his team that the two were release and left to their own devices. Redek had told them he could reverse their furry problem he would just need time to work on the coding of the orb.

“I better get to my lab,” Rodney sniffed as John and him wove through the traffic of people in the hall. “If I let him work without me chances are we'll get turned into some other kind of animal instead of human.”

John snorted at the thought of Rodney as some kind of flightless bird. “Yeah you might need to go help.”

“Yes, well, I’ll go get us out of this mess. See you later Sheppard.”

“Still think this is your fault,” John called after him lighthearted as Rodney’s fuzzy tail disappeared from sight.

“Shut up!”

**Author's Note:**

> If people like this I can write another that is the two of them dealing with being cats wile waiting for Zelenka to finish his tinkering.
> 
> Story is un-betaed  
> ~~~~~~  
> Edit: I will write another part! This is now part one in the Cat Nap series.  
> ~~~~~~  
> Art has been upgraded to a folder! I've done more art because why not: https://ztwin.deviantart.com/gallery/66206743/Cat-Nap


End file.
